too much of a temptation.

Here is the final installment of a series I like to call, “Dad’s Postcards”… Not clever? Right… okay. Well, even though I can’t think of a more fitting hilarious title for “Dad’s Postcards”, his last addition is no let down:

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It is addressed to “Her Tallness Rachel Stevens” and reads…. ahhhemmhemmhemm….

“Hay BluRay, They asked me to help design the Corn Palace again but I said NO because I’m trying to quit eating corn tortillas & it would be too much of a temptation. They said that’s too bad because they grew some bright pink corn just for me. Now I’m thinking about doing it just to see what the corn tastes like. Working on the Palace is such a hassle because the birds eat all the corn & poop on you like rain. Mom is still mad at me about ruining her good umbrella. I think it looks cute.

[heart]
BAD DADDY [drawn smiling face.]”

Thanks, Pops, for all of the hilarious postcards. I needed them and enjoyed them more than you know.

My dad is so great. And he’s also an amazing artist! Proud daughter, right here. Check him out: www.jimgeiergallery.com

pops. [www.jimgeiergallery.com]

it’s just going to take a while.

This weekend turned my already upside down Australian world, upside down. [right side up??] Either way, I’m happier than I’ve been yet here in Australia… or at least I will be… Friday.

If you hadn’t noticed, the Vincents aren’t my favorite people to work for. In a fit of inward rage after an incident to the like of this one:

[after spending hours in the kitchen making 1, 2, THREE different meals for the family, Marc [the dad] takes a bite of his shrimp fajita.]

– Hmmm… Maybe next time wait a while before you put the prawns [shrimp] in to grill them with the peppers.

…After something like that, I looked to the internet for new au pair positions and called the first family I saw that needed a nanny.

Kylie picked up and was very excited to have me come out and meet her husband and 8 month old, Sienna.

It was a waaaaays out there. They live in Terrigal Beach. [pronounced “Terrible Beach” by me because I think it’s funny, not because it’s terrible… it’s quite nice actually… not terrible.] Anywho, it’s about an hour north of the city.

After the Most Ridiculous Public Transport Situation of ’09, I finally made it to breakfast with Kylie, Grant and Sienna. They. Are. Awesome. Kylie and Grant are both 29 and they’re just hilarious. Here’s my favorite part of a conversation with Kylie…

– So what do you think the family’s going to do when you tell them that you’re leaving?

– Well, pardon my french, but I think they’re going to flip their shit.

– Oh, thank god you curse. That’s pretty damn fantastic.

It just felt like I was hanging out with some close friends. A wonderful day. So I’ve decided to leave the Vincents and work for the Parkers. [adorable pictures of Sienna soon to come.]

I gave the Vincents my one week notice, which I know is short… but please reference all blogs categorized under “the vincents.”

Barbara’s reaction was surprising. We argued about a lot of things, but Barbara kept a pretty cool head.

“Light Housework” was our most elaborated topic. Barbara’s response to my complaints was:

– Well, it’s not like I’m having you wash the walls.

[??????]

– Barbara, no one washes the walls. Please tell me what the heavy housework is around here.

– Well, the light housework is only…

– No, no… Tell me what the heavy housework is. I know what you think the light housework is.

– Well, “heavy housework” isn’t even a term that people use… It doesn’t make any sense.

– ….[stare of frustration]…. What I’m saying is that I do ALL the housework… And “light housework” implied that it wasn’t ALL housework.

– Well, I’m not having you wash the walls!

[this is where I’d like anyone who has washed walls ever in their life to speak up. she really couldn’t get over the washing of the walls.]

Anyways, it was a good weekend leading to a very hard/awkward week, that will soon be turned into the Australia that I’ve been wanting.

[a conversation with an old woman on a train this weekend.]

– Excuse me. Does this train stop at Central? I asked… because I’m always confused.

– Umm… Oh, yeah it does. But this is the long train to get to Central. So you’ll get there… It’s just going to take a while.

[you’ll get there. it’s just going to take a while.]

speaking of trains:

scooby doo and pecker rock.

I know that I’ve already posted today, but my amazing parents have turned my day around and I must share…

With a raging headache [that started at about 7:35am], I opened my email at about 1:30pm to find a precious email from my mother that reads:

“Dearest Rachel,

After reading your blogs and becoming more in tune to the precious moments in life, I have to pass this one on to you.

(At the grocery store by the milk case today)
4 year old boy says to his dad (seriously)
“Dad, what’s your favorite animal besides Scooby Doo?”

I didn’t hear dad’s response but I hope he cherished the question as much as I did.

Love you, babe.”

I LOVE IT. I laughed out loud and smiled for the first time today, which is sad. Anywho, thanks for sharing Momma… you are awesome.

And then you’ll never guess what I got in the mail… ANOTHER POSTCARD FROM MY POPS! I knew you wouldn’t be able to guess. Anywho, this one made me laugh real hard… maybe might be my favorite thus far.

Please Note: The first part of the card is actually true… Dad wasn’t trying to be funny…

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It is addressed to “The Astute Rachel Stevens” and it reads… ahhhemmhemmhemm….

“2•10•9

Hay Sting Rae, My Grandpa & uncles climbed the stairs in the 30s & stood on top of the FACES. Your Grandpa’s name is on the memorial wall here. This yr Mom wants to drive behind the faces to look at their asses. I don’t want to because it always smells so bad there. You have to drive by Pecker Rock to get there. That’s always uplifting. After that we’re going to Flaccid Falls. It’s near Deadwood, which is downstream from the Hot Springs. I think whoever named all these places had a problem.

[heart]
BAD DADDY.

*I thought I saw Dolly Parton in this photo but it was just 2 bald headed men standing close together.”

I hope I’m as great as my folks someday.

the missing keys crisis of 2009.

It was too good to be true…

A peaceful morning.  The kids were ready ten minutes early and I even got Craig to brush his hair with the dog’s brush without him even noticing… [these kinds of small victories keep me going].  The problem started with the fact that Marc [the father] drove the car I usually take the kids to school with to the train station.  This happens every once in a while; Barbara [the mom] drops the kids and me off at the station and we pick up the car and start the day from there.  But not this morning…

– Are we all ready to go?  Barbara squawks.  [okay, I’m not being mean… I’m trying to be descriptive for story-telling purposes… the woman squawks like you can imagine a very Scottish bird would.]

– Yep.  Barbara do you have my keys to the Toyota?  They’re not on the sill.

– No.  Where did you put them?

– I put them on the sill every day… They’re not there.

This went on for a couple more minutes before we figured out that Marc must have taken my keys.  Barbara begins to FLIP OUT.  She went off her handle!  Like worse than I’ve ever seen before!  She started tearing through the house looking for Marc’s set of keys and cursing Marc’s name left and right.  The funniest part of these next ten minutes is that the kids went ahead and got in the car before we realized we didn’t have the keys and so they’re just sitting in the car… for literally ten minutes before Hazel comes in and says…

– Is everything alright??

– Well, your FATHER took both sets of keys and now the car is going to get $180 ticket and I’ll have to take you to school because Rachel isn’t insured to drive my car and your father won’t answer his phone and he is just absolutely worthless!  So, yeah, Hazel… Everything’s peachy!

Craig enters.

– Why haven’t we left?

Barbara literally explodes… Okay, well not literally…

I continue to help looking for a spare key and don’t find much but I do almost loose my head when I find a pair of shoes, a disc of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and a HALF FULL cup of noodles underneath the couch.  [this is the family that i work for.]  Barbara continues to freak out about the keys with a fury I’ve only ever heard about from my Old Testament professors…

– Rachel, I’m telling you, don’t ever get married!  It’s just not worth it!

Really, Barb?  Really?  So, if I find the love of my life, I should just let him keep on keepin’ on cuz he might loose the car keys one day?  Really?  You’re regretful of your marriage because of this?  I won’t go into how many times more she told me not to ever get married and all the details of why it’s just not worth it… But I will tell you that she made no valid points.

So the whole thing was stressful but just kind of amusing for me until…

– Well, I’m just going to have to stay home from work today!  There’s no point in me going into work if I’m going to have to pick the children up from school!

[this immediately goes through my head] NOOOOOOO! [rampant search-mode begins] We will FIND those keys!  Hell, I will MAKE keys to drive that car!  Please Barbara, don’t stay home!  Please!  …I swear that the delusion that I could actually MAKE keys really did come over me.  This must have been the closest to legitimately crazy I’ve ever been… I really believed I would will keys into being that could drive that car.

We never found the keys.  And, turns out, I can’t make keys.  So Barbara took the kids to school and then stayed home and made me search for keys more and continued to tell me how worthless husbands are.  She also made me come on an errand-running expedition with her between my ironing and vacuuming… that was fun.

All in all, a normal day at the Vincent household.

i think he stole a riff from me.

Apparently, the postcard my father sent me [see post below] is one in a series.  This is the best news I’ve had ever.  I hope you think that my dad is as amazing/hilarious as I do… because all of these postcards will be going on this blog.

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It is addressed to “Ms. Dazzling Rokee Stevens” and it reads… ahhemmhemmhemmm…

“Hay Rae, Mick & Keith dropped in for Bar•B•Q again.  I should have never told them ‘I live close to an airport.’  At least they gave me 5 hrs notice so I could get cooking.  I asked Keith if we were mates or he was just using me for the ‘Q’.  He said ‘What’s the difference?’  Nice guy but he drinks too much coffee.  Anyway I said that if we’re really mates, to mention ‘Thanks’ to me on the next CD.  He said that the last guy he did that for now accuses him of ruining his life.  Keith & I jammed a lil bit & I think he stole a riff from me.  That’s always how he gets good ideas for songs.  Anyway don’t look for my name on any Stones tune soon.

[heart]
BAD DADDY

2•8•9”

so they were here first.

For those of you who know my father, this should be entertaining…

For those of you who don’t, I think this is a great introduction to Jim Geier Stevens

Today, in the mail, I received this postcard from the aforementioned character:

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It is addressed to “The Divine Rachel Stevens” and reads… ahhhemmhemmhemm…

“2.9.9

Hey Rae, The buffalo got loose on our land again.  Here is a picture of them.  I complained to the developer again & he said there is nothing he can do about it.  They have been here thousands of yrs so they were here first.  I said why do they always have to go thru my land.  It would be different if I could shoot em.  Mom says we should go into the Bison Shit business & I said we already have.  Fresh or dried?  The difference between shit & shinola is once you step in it, it is shinola.

[heart]
BAD DADDY.”

gosh, i love him.