things I believe could truly change the world…

#1: Nanette.

This comedy special is life-changing.

Incredible. It touched me at a deep/raw part of myself and I am so thankful.

It’s on Netflix. It’s wonderful. Grab the tissues.

Speaking of Netflix…

#2: Queer Eye.

I was late to the party, BUT I AM HERE NOW AND ADAMANTLY ON-BOARD.

I want my whole family to watch it. I want every friend I have to watch it. I want every office I’ve ever worked in to watch it. I want everyone who went to the University of Mary Hardin-Baylor (which—did you know?—still has gay-shaming verbiage in their student handbook)

UMHB_Handbook_homosexual

…to watch it. I want basically everyone I know to watch it.

#3: Won’t You Be My Neighbor.

Just watched this tonight and it affected me more than I thought it would. This show was such a huge part of my childhood.

Being loved. Feeling okay in your own skin. Feeling heard. Feeling okay for who you are. Isn’t this what we all want? Thank you, Mr. Rodgers. Thank you.

#4: Music of Your Loving.

We went to Sylvan Esso last night. It was an absolutely incredible show. It was outside and we watched the sunset as we sang and danced along with many new friends. So much dancing. As the last song ended, we were sweaty, smiling, and filled with love. The dance floor mostly cleared, but a gorgeous song by the newly late Richard Swift came on…

My heart burst. Evan and I started slow dancing and trotting and doo-wopping around. Others did, too. Then it was about 50 of us, just having one last dance. Together. Ugh, it was magical. Just dancing like that together. It was one of those forever moments. So special.

It was already on this mix I can’t stop listening to, but now it’s got the coveted last track.

There’s a lot going on out there. Remember to love yourself. Remember to love your neighbor. Dance with them.

[love y’all.]

 

to be counted present.

I was obsessed with #ALLMYMOVIES. In exactly the way you’d expect of me, I was obsessed—thought it was beautiful/brilliant.

shia_allmymovies

I watched it constantly and stared at Shia LaBeouf in a way I have never stared at him… or any celebrity… or maybe any human…

I stared at him like the emotional project that it was. I cried once when he cried. I laughed so hard when he laughed with the whole audience whilst watching The Even Stevens Movie. I took screenshots. [like the whole internet wouldn’t.] I kept one of my computer screens at work constantly streaming Shia. [sorry work internet.]

Imagining being there for the whole process—as Shia—was something I desperately dove into. How must he have been feeling? Was this just the most narcissistic thing ever? Is he okay? Is he not okay?

And then a friend sent this article about it all: http://www.ew.com/article/2015/11/16/shia-labeouf-all-my-movies-interview

“You just don’t want anyone to hate you. I walked out loving myself. Not in some grandiose, you’re f—ing awesome way, but in like, you’re a part of a community. You’re part of this human thing. You’re in this human thing.”

I loved these things he said about life, art, work. And the joy of being a part of a community. And the hilarity of looking back and feeling those times. And the darkness of life and shitty work and shitty art…

“When the movies started getting sh– and they knew that I felt it too, it was the shared secret that we all had… not just because I’m in it… I’m in the same boat as you, I’m a viewer in this and this is hard for me to watch too,” he said. “In fact, I’m gonna go take a nap cause I hate myself, not cause I’m tired, but because I’m dying right now. And nobody had a problem with that.”

How painful. How honest. It makes me look at my life and wonder how much of my work is for the Michael Bay’s of Montana. Not much, I believe. I could sit down and watch it all in a row and be proud of it… most of it.

And—honestly—most of it would have so much of me in it, as the star. Me or my better half. And I would watch on in the narcissistic way I do and [hopefully] love it. Find myself liked.

In looking for some kind of visual for all of this and found a comical outtake of a video that never [hasn’t yet?] happened. I set up a shot in our van [one you’ve seen many times before] and then proceeded to look at myself in the display, checking for how I looked. Evan caught me and started mocking me and I died. I love this. Because without Evan, I’d just be staring at myself in screens… and it wouldn’t be half as funny/joyful.

fixing_our_work

And in it all, with it all, making it all, sometimes my scars of damage show more than not. Sometimes it’s all commercial. Sometimes it’s ridiculous. Sometimes it’s from the heart. Sometimes it’s not. Sometime’s it’s exhausting. Sometime’s it’s exhausted.

But I want it to be there. I want to be able to sit in a room of people and watch my work, my life, and laugh/cry/pain-sleep/be embarrassed/be joyful/reflect. Because that means there is enough work, enough life, to be held accountable. To be counted present. You’re in this human thing.

And with that, an all-time favorite music video:

Strong work, Shia. I like you.

[this human thing.]

 

a moment determined.

We live very close to a locals-favorite hiking hill.

Last night, I walked home by aforementioned hill and could not help but giggle at the sounds of two men [boys? unclear.] having way too much fun sledding down the hill. On tubes. It was one of those clear, cold nights where sounds were louder and moments were clearer. I heard them oh, shit, oh no, oh oh, no, no, yeah!, wooooohoooo! all the way down the hill and then pant up. I heard them so clear, I felt like I was there with them. I was instantly transported back to times on Snow King in Jackson. Sledding with friends, laughing and drinking and hurting from fun. And as my smile widened, I was brought back to reality when a deer with a sizable rack crosses the street right in front of me. It is not the most uncommon sight, but all the sudden the scene was surreal.

This morning, Evan and I woke up insanely early to go out and shoot a bit of film for a project for my company. As we drove by the local hill, I told him about my walk the night before and how a deer passed right in front of me. He asked me how big its antlers were and I told him,

– Well, a little bit bigger than mine…

montana_trophy_wife

my halloween costume from this year.

He laughed and told me I had a great rack. [husband points.]

We drove out to another local trail system and set up for shooting. Four of my co-workers came and we drank coffee and ate cinnamon rolls and laughed and shot takes and high-fived and asked questions and trudged through snow and marked out cues and lost the feeling in our hands and smiled. It was what we needed.

dream team
We meaning husband and wife creative team. We meaning the team at work. We meaning beings.We meaning him. We meaning me.

An insanely talented co-worker/friend—Seth—took photos from this morning and I adore them. Looking through them, I saw one from me scouting out where we wanted to start one of the scenes. I’m freezing, excited, strong, ready. I look almost angry, but I like it.

scouting.
A moment working. A moment inspired. A moment thinking. A moment freezing. A moment determined.

Moments worth remembering and craving.

The coldness is here and bringing welcome surprises.

Here’s to more of all that.

[let’s do this.]

fall, y’all.

I totally got called out by a friend at work the other day. After biking to work, I bounced in the door wearing my buffalo plaid jacket and my scarf and my boots, smiling and excited for coffee. My friend looked at me and said,

– You love fall, don’t you? Look at you! You say, “Ugh. I hate the cold” but you love fall so much. I bet you already had two pumpkin spice lattes today!

I have not had any pumpkin spice lattes this season… yet. But — crap — I think I love fall, y’all.

Especially when exercise = leisurely strolls with friends and sneaky wine and beautiful sunsets.

IMG_0848 IMG_0843 IMG_0868

 

crunching leaves. actually having time to read. or watch a documentary or appreciate some rad art-vertising. [those are basically the same as reading, right?] espresso galore. new [lovely] music.

walks for the hell of it. podcasts on podcasts on podcasts on podcasts. dates with my husband where the couple at the next table shares their ah-mazing bottle of wine with us.

dammit, I’m a cliché. I love it all.

well, now I just want to ride my bike across the country on the northern tier.

This year has brought an abundance of exciting things. One of those exciting things was working with Epic Montana via Adventure Cycling to make the first episode in a series called, “Adventure Cycling Montana.”

I’ve plastered this short video all over the rest of my social media venues, but if you haven’t watched yet, I do think you’ll enjoy…


I also wrote a little behind-the-scenes blahg post about the whole experience over here. It was such an amazing experience. I still can’t get over that this was part of my job this year.

[exciting things.]

enjoyable and invigorating.

I just caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and paused with comical assurance.

11:30pm: Wool ski socks, short shorts, grey sweatshirt, long necklace, mom’s old wool cap, bourbon in hand.

I chuckle and think, How did I get here?

With a quick mental recap, I conclude that this day said so much about where I am:
• Still can’t make anything but a shitty cup of coffee. I try so many mornings. When I asked Evan to taste this morning, he says, It’s not the worst.

• Working hard on the things I love still feels like a Mad Men daydream but in actuality means staring at computer for twelve hours at a time while my ass finds a new shape. I love it.

• Trail running in December in Montana is something that’s possible and enjoyable and invigorating and I still surprise myself when I prove these things to myself.

• Watched a Boyhood featurette and fell harder in love with that film and then harder in love with life: http://filmmakermagazine.com/88625-watch-boyhood-behind-the-scenes-featurette/#.VJEqrocxpYB

This made me want to call so many people — my little brother, everyone in Austin, my best friend, every guy I dated in college — and tell them they must sit down right now and watch Boyhood. They must. Right now.

• I received a grant today for a film I’m making. When I read the email, I immediately raised my hands in the air out of excitement like a child would. I like that that’s still in me.

• Unapologetically had a burger and fries and an old fashion with a co-worker to catch up on all of the menial office gossip. This will always be a thing.

• Watch a hockey game with a gaggle of friends and did a lot of standing up and yelling like a crazy mother. I’m still confused on how I got here.

• Home now. Doing laundry so that I can wear my favorite pair of pants tomorrow at work because we’re releasing a film I’ve been working very hard on and I think I should be in my very favorite pants.

Now that I’ve retraced and traced everything, I guess I see.

Everything is pretty familiar.

tired_bourbon_cheers
Cheers.

And for good measure, a song I love right now that maybe should be a warning sign…

[oh, that’s how.]