men I’m mildly obsessed with right now…

I try really hard not to be too obsessed with Ira Glass. I mean, how unoriginal? But I keep catching myself using the phrase, “Do you listen to This American Life?” in conversations with friends and strangers alike.

And then he made a cameo in this awesome video of this awesome song by Thao and the Get Down Stay Down:

[this is also amazing.]

And then I go for a run and listen to the amazingly compelling story of Dr. Gilmer. It was so interesting that when I finished my run, the story wasn’t done yet, so I sat on the steps of our home listening intently to the rest of it… like I was too scared to stop it for even a second, because that would be too risky.

And then after beating myself up because one of my pieces didn’t make it into a local art show, I find this video/quote:

Ira Glass makes me want to do it all and make a podcast… which I just might do.

And it just might be crap for years…

…but then it might be kinda good. And then it’s all worth it.

Also, I’m obsessed with Zachary Smith. No, not my bearded manfriend’s brother [though, yes, Zach, I’m also obsessed with you].

This guy…

tumblr_mjh5k8F35z1rkovepo1_500 tumblr_ml0g57Q8CP1rkovepo1_500 tumblr_mlg4e8uY9W1r5vojso6_500 tumblr_mlg4e8uY9W1r5vojso5_500 tumblr_mlg4e8uY9W1r5vojso4_500

I want to do more hand-lettering and I want it to be as good as Zachary Smith’s.

And I love these guys…

And I’m actually obsessed with John Richards.

[much manly love to you.]

it’s a beautiful junkshow.

Welp, I’m in full-blown grad school now.

I mean, I’m going to school part time and working full time. Which means this might not happen very often anymore… this here blahgging.

Or maybe it will. Maybe I’ll be procrastination [like right now] and blahgging instead of reading, designing, animating, recording, etc.

This has already been one of the more challenging things I’ve been a part of.

Daily I have to look at myself in the mirror and say, out loud, to myself…

– You’re a junkshow, but it’s a beautiful junkshow. You can do this. I promise.

I literally have to affirm myself out loud. And scribbled in my notes are tiny, tiny words… helping me get through…

 “don’t over-think it, don’t freak out.”

Everything’s new. It’s just a hard thing to try. It’s a hard thing to learn. Learning to try. Trying to learn. It’s intimidating as hell. Putting yourself out there. Being exhausted.

Being the older, sweaty, awkward girl in class. [i broke a drawer in front of the whole class already… and the whole time it was happening i was nervously saying, “ohp, yep, it’s really broken… oh, it’s so broken… oh, i broke it… i’m the worst.”]

There is a theme of breaking in life right now. Breaking down. Breaking things. Taking breaks. It’s so nice to have the breaks. The breaks to connect.

Like when my momma called the other day just to tell me a story…

A three year old boy was with his mom walking in the clinic. The boy went for the stairs, to start walking down and his mom said…

– No, honey we’re not gonna take the stairs. Here, I want you to come push the button on the elevator.

He looked at her, and around, with hugely peaked interest and asked…

– What alligator?

I love it. I loved it. Mom said that he didn’t sound scared or confused, just very interested on where the alligator was and which button on it he should push.

And then there are the breaks where I again find myself watching youtube videos of kids on drugs after surgery:

I couldn’t help but laugh/cry at, “Oh, I don’t know how I’m doing, I’m just crying and watching soccer, and mom won’t get me Panda…”

The breaks where I get to go sit in a hot springs with a good friend and talk to some older guys from Boston. There was a shorter, smiley one who lived in Montana now and then his taller, quieter friend who was visiting from Boston. They were both hilarious, with the thickest accents, both drinking rum and cokes at 11am… which I might have then taken part in.

The smiley one says…

– We used to get in major trouble. I used to steal things, lots of things… mainly books.

– Ha, really?

– Yeah, but then I cleaned up and went to college, which was hard cuz I had dropped outta high school, but they let me in cuz I played basketball.

Seems fair enough. He continued…

– Yeah, and then I had this psych professor who was wicked cool, such a great guy and I ended up telling him about the books. And he said, “Well, have you ever thought about taking them back? Giving them back to where you took them from?” I had never thought of that and he thought it was a good idea, so I went and returned every one.

– Wow, that’s awesome.

– Yeah, my psych professor offered to help and drive me around town to return them, but that was before I told him I had around 200 books.

– What?!

– Yep. And we drove around movin’ books all day… from place to place. But, well, I did keep one thing. You ever read Reader’s Digest? Remember the “Word Power”?

– Yeah.

– Well, I tore every single one out and kept ’em. I still have ’em, but I gave back the rest of the magazines.

I loved that. Stealing books. And then years later, giving them back. But keeping pages.

– Yeah, we boys cleaned up. He over there, now he’s the head of the Gang Unit at the Boston Police Department.

– Wait, really? [i look over to his friend and say] I’m pretty sure they make movies about you.

His friend excitedly chimes in…

– Oh, they do! He gets Mark Wahlberg and Matt Damon comin’ to him and his boys learning how they talk and how they work. All them boys from The Departed and all those movies.

– That’s amazing! You hung out with Marky Mark and Matt Damon?

– Yeah, I just showed ’em a few things. We ended up drinkin’ beer in a cop car.

Awesome.

It was such a refreshing encounter. So intriguing. A break.

And then it was back to the books. Back to the computer screen. Looking hard.

Listening to this:

Watching/Studying/Analyzing this:

[vimeo 24302498]

Crying at Rule 14: Don’t Give Up. 

Because before, I would never admit it to myself, especially not this early in the game, but it’s there. It’s the deepest, darkest whisper. It’s there. The “just give up” voice. And it hurts the most.

But I won’t.

I can do this. I promise.

what was that world i was dreaming of?

Things have been foggy [from the day/nyquil], but oh, so beautiful.  It’s like my body told me to slow down, stop being so worried about tomorrow, next week, next month, forever from now.

Made me remember a lot of loveliness.

Then I heard this song and fell in love again…

and thought of my dearest friend, Lisa…

and how she showed me these: http://www.squareinchdesign.com/category/childrens-story-posters/

and how i think they are magnificent.

and how i want to give her this to hang on her Christmas tree so she thinks of me: rocky raccoon.

and she would give me this to hang on my Christmas tree so I think of her: a dear deer.

and the simplest thoughts brought me back to where I am, who I am.

[what was that world i was dreaming of?]

for now.

social internetting is HARD these days!

complaining about nothing = everything is awesome.  [remember that.]

i am completely obsessed with this project…

[side note: in this life, sometime, i will design posters like these and wear dresses like these…]

totally ob-sessed.

these all come from here: http://theshallowend.tumblr.com/ and i was informed of them via my friend, ashely.

can someone find me a dress to match the decemberists poster i made ages ago?…

and you should know that i completely intend to deliver you [the reader, my love, a subscriber] a mix of music of some sort in the near future… and you’ll have to listen to these songs and envision me bed dancing [get your mind outta the gutter] to all three of these for now…

…i love this video.  i think florence [and her machine] are awesome.

[it’s all this and it’s all now… for now.]

reenact.

I forgot to show you this…

Isn’t this project just the raddest?

[being someone new: being yourself: always yourself: someone new]

It’s brought to you by this amazing woman: Irina Werning [go check out the rest of the shots from the project!… they are ah-mazing.]

The “back to the future”, “where you’ve been” project.  I love it.  Absolutely love it.

Once I wrote about being in the same place… taking the same picture: https://rachellaurenmarie.wordpress.com/2010/10/11/the-sun-did-not-see-my-tears/

I want to do this again; recruit Werning to take my picture again with Lisa… reenact… this picture…

I’ll have to find the color version for real awesomeness.  And Lisa and I just might have to travel to Buenos Aires to complete the project since that’s where Werning is located… we just might have to.

Also, I’m currently a tad obsessed with this image:

By this artist: Julien Pacaud

And a new song for you:

And a great new album:

http://www.npr.org/2011/03/07/134273685/first-listen-the-dodos-no-color [do it.  you’ll love it.]

And my newest radio show:

[love to all.]

[enjoy the sunshine.]

bright enough inside.

Yesterday was just a bit of a rough one, from begining to end.

Thank goodness I have loves to sit with when nothing else besides just sitting is okay.  We wined, I whined, I almost cried, I didn’t cry, we laughed, one tried on my dresses, we “ooh”ed, we “ahh”ed… life is warm.

All but one love left.  I threw a pity party fit for one for a whole second.

I was on the floor.  [because that’s where children throw fits.]

I cried.

– Do you wanna listen to some music, Rach?

– I don’t like music.

[p.s. obviously, i’m not dramatic at all when i’m bummed.]

– Do you wanna eat something?

– I don’t like food.

– Do you like anything?

– Not right now.

– Do you like your computer?

– No.

– Oh, man… this is bad.

We sat for a bit longer: him on the couch, me sprawled out on the floor like a child counting for hide-and-seek horizontally.

– Do you wanna watch a movie?

– Yeah.

– Alright!  Do you want to go to a movie?

– Can we watch Eternal Sunshine?  I think I want to watch Eternal Sunshine.

My Go-To: the lips that press back.

I thought about erasing:

again.

Then found this on Le Love [when i decided that i did like my computer]:

And then, quickly after that, I found this from Matthew Lyons:

A lot of erasing.  I don’t really want to erase… anything… anyone… especially not trees.  I just had a rough day.

And it’s over, we’re onward, I’m not on the floor anymore.

That’s how those things go, huh?  If we’re bright enough inside, clouds can’t keep us dark after they pass over.

Oh, I forgot to give you the playlist from the most recent Morning Scramble.  It’s not scanned.  I haven’t been able to deal lately with the “eeerrrr”, “chkchk” of actually scanning anything.  I’ve been on the floor.  I digress:

ms playlist 8.10.10 A.

ms playlist 8.10.10 B.

My hands down favorite favorite:

[p.s. i recently did a show at night that we called, “Guilty Pleasures Galore”… i will have to share that experience with you soon.]

Okay, lovelilies, I hope you have an ah-mazing weekend.

LOVE.