commit.

I moved to Missoula, Montana.  [we all know this… cuz we’re all just on the edge of our seats watching the quarter-life excitement that is my life.]

Why?  Well, I got a job… an awesome job.  But I was ready to move.  I was done with the person I had become in Jackson, Wyoming.

And when you’ve recognized that you’re done with a stage of your life, a time, it’s hard to grow… you stop growing because you’re so done with it.  And as a result, I started really not liking the person I was in Jackson.  I had so much potential, so much inspiration, so much TIME, so much love around me… and I’d constantly, minute by minute, let it pass by me… me: sitting on the couch in my pajamas at 11am.

So, I got the job, I made the move and I vowed to start things off as the Rachel I know I can be.

Except that I didn’t really do that…

I mean, I went through all the motions:  Got the great apartment.  Signed up for a novel writing class.  Joined a gym.  Volunteered.

But I never really committed:  Never decorated.  Felt completely anxious the whole time and have written maaaaaybe 600 words.  Never engaged with anyone that I work out with.  Felt overwhelmed with another obligation.

And yesterday was my breaking point.  I am so. happy. here… Why can’t I just jump in?  Why am I still living in Jackson?  Why am I more invested in Wyoming [and my wyoming self] than this Montana life [and my excited montana self]?

It’s like this tiny little puppy jumping up, nipping at my heels like, “HEY… HEY… HEY… HEY, YOU!  CAN WE GET OUT THERE?  CAN WE GO?” and me, sitting at this desk, saying, “Hey, hold on… I’m not ready, I have things to do.”

But yesterday, it all changed… I said, “Okay, let’s do this.  I’m ready to get out there.  Be here.”

And being the woman of symbolism I am, I called up a highly recommended salon and asked if I could come in to cut all my hair off.

– Yep… 5:45 work for you?

– Like… in 20 minutes?

– Sure… Yeah, otherwise it’ll be a couple weeks if you want Abby.

I wanted Abby… or so my friends had told me so beforehand.

– Alright, let’s do this.

I was heading to the gym… I turned around.  I went and cut off almost a foot of hair.

And I. LOVE. IT.

So much release.  Because this is so different: https://rachellaurenmarie.wordpress.com/2011/09/18/try-pellegrino/#comment-1069 This is Montana Rachel.

Time to start a new… really jump into it.  Commit.

Like a woman in my writing class said last night…

– If your hair ain’t right, nothin’s right.

[things are right.]

2 thoughts on “commit.

  1. Pingback: only now. | wull hay.

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