I am a sucker for free things.
I’ll take it! I’ll do that! Sure, I’ll eat that!
So, I won a two week pass to The Womens Club from a raffle from a 5k Momma and I did whilst she was in town. I answered the phone call and when they told me I had won this pass, I got excited like I had won a trip to Europe or something. I was that woman on The Price Is Right that wins a toaster on Plink-o and freaks. out.
Now, I’m determined to squeeze every ounce of worth-ness outta this free-ness… Which means? Going to every class that I can make. So, when Zumba was the only class after work and before my radio training, I thought,
Alright, old lady jazzercize-like class… I’ll take you… Let’s do this Zumba.
And it might not be just an older lady thing, but I mean, who’s mom doesn’t do Zumba? Although, the other day, on the phone with an ex-boyfriend, he reminded me that I’m “not a spring chicken anymore… soon I’ll be a spinster.” [no clue why that one didn’t work out… shocking.]
So, I wore pigtails to the class to reinforce my youthfulness.
The class started, I stood in the back… a head taller than every single woman in the class, which would’ve been totally helpful if you danced with your head.
I drank a bit of water, looked around. The music started, the instructor had her Britney Spear’s mic on and started calling out moves… yep, moves… and they all knew them! I soon, and quite harshly, learned a lot of things. Let me tell you something about Zumba: First, it’s not all old ladies, there are a lot of younger ones, too… But listen to me…
THESE LADIES ARE NOT FUCKING AROUND.
Excuse the all-caps and profanity, but my god! When did all these women have time to go to Step-It-Up Camp 2011?! I have never been so lost in my entire life. It was SO hard and complicated! This one took a close second behind my first hot yoga experience… and second only because I didn’t actually think I was going to die… unless it was of embarrassment…
It was hilarious how bad I was at it! She would call out things like,
– Grapevine!… Salsa!… Shimmy!… Push it!
And I would try to follow the fourth-row-back-watered-down version of what the instructor was doing, whilst mentally answering her instruction calls in a panicked internal dialog,
– Where wine comes from!… I want some right now!… What I do when I’m imitating a hooker!… Push it real good!
At one point, she literally called out, “The chicken!” and everyone in the class started doing the exact same Mick-Jagger-like dance while I went through every single one of these…
I was so confused by how bad I was at this dancing exercise… mostly because dancing is how I mainly get my exercise…
Yeah, just click that “Topics of Discussion” drop-down to the left over there and select “sweet dance moves.” You’ll see. I like to dance.
But then I realized that it’s just organized dancing that I’m real bad at! Once I connected those dots in class, I felt a lot better.
Cuz, hell, if we all had a couple cocktails in us, my dancing would look AWESOME… and the rest of the classes’ actually would, too! Because, let’s be honest, and I’m talking to you, 17-year-old dancing in front of me who keeps adding extra “shimmies” to the routine… You don’t actually look cool! Yes, you do look slightly cooler than me right now because I look like I’m just doing jumping-jacks wrong… but you just danced like a chicken to Michael Franti in sync with twenty-five other women… don’t try that at the club… or anywhere else than HERE. [exception: some flash-mob i’ll youtube over and over.]
All in all, I sweat my ass off and I think I’ll probably go back. Why? Because the deep down confession is that I don’t find it one bit cheesy for those few steps that I’m actually getting it. And then right after that Taio Cruz song, we start doing some high-knee-clapping-over-the-head move to a Kelly Clarkson chorus and I couldn’t love it more. I feel awesome. And I’m not sorry.
[a little embarrassed, but not sorry.]