overwhelmption.

I sit at this window, stare out at the park, drink tea, think about putting a bra on, working and then crying.

So much has happened.  So much is happening.

I feel like you can see my headache in that picture.  Overwhelmption [it’s a word now] at it’s best.

Did I tell you I got a job?  A Graphic Design job at Adventure Cycling.  In Missoula.  Montana.

Most amazing part of the interview process?  When one of the founders said..

– Now, Rachel.  I’m going to show you a picture and I want you to tell me how you feel about it.

Ooookay… Now I’m scared.

And he turned over this picture…

That’s my boyfriend.  In the middle.  With his [our] good friend Daniel Davis on looker’s right.  My heart was so warm!

– Oh, my gosh: That’s Evan!  And Daniel!  Oh, this is so great.  What?  How do you have this?

– I take pictures of everyone who stops through here on a tour.  They stopped by in 2005.

Wow.  He had asked Evan’s name in my first interview when I answered, “My boyfriend” to the question, “How’d you find out about this job?”

So that’s happening.  I’m moving.  A week from yesterday.  Well, theoretically I’m moving… Right now it looks like I’m just driving there.  Haven’t packed at all.  I’ve been in a mostly catatonic state since finding out about this great opportunity and the reality of the great loss of Jackson in my life.

Overall, I am very excited.  Daydreaming on the same page as this woman: http://www.whorange.net/whorange/2011/07/dear-whorange-craving-60s-business-casual.html

Having a career, an adorable apartment [pictures to come], a fresh start, styley clothes, etc… it’s all exciting.

And terrifying. [to be honest.]

How am I going to leave a community as amazing as Jackson?  A place where we have kickass events that I’m asked to design posters for…

Sigh.  Hard to leave.

But onward… upward…

things you need to remember…

a] i have a radio show: http://soundcloud.com/wullhay/morning-scramble-july-20-2011 [even if it only is for a couple more weeks.]

b] when you’re scared of doing something that many people think means nothing, there are people like this:

doing the something you think is nothing.  laying under cars when they think they’re inadequate…

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/07/17/magazine/the-make-believer.html?_r=1&pagewanted=1&sq=miranda%20july&st=cse&scp=1

c] no matter what you’re music taste, there will always be someone that feels exactly the same way you do, at exactly the same moment…

d] and, you know, that might be a sign of love… like, love… like, fur realz… but it might not.  i trust my father and my admired that when you know… you KNOW… and then, who knows, you might get married…

http://www.nytimes.com/slideshow/2011/07/24/nyregion/20110725-MARRIAGE.html

wait, no... did you see it? did you read it? love. LOVE.

 

Just don’t end up like this post secret

enough to chill.

ahhhhhh…

In all this craziness, I come home to a home cool enough to dance in and hot enough to chill in…

I sit after dancing to these…


And realize I’m wearing a look I want to call, “Flintstone Chic”…

i'm tryin' real hard to look like a dinosaur.



I realised [with an “s” cuz it almost feels like australia], tonight feels like a night where I feel most like myself.

p.s. Did I tell you I got a real person/adult job?  And how I was SO nervous driving to the interview?  But then I put on a CD the bf had made me and it started with…



And I had a moment.  Pulled over, smiled, danced… hard.  And realised that I loved myself most when I was just dancing just dancing to bad pop music/rap.  And then for a hot second felt guilty that my favorite self was not saving the world.  But, then, no!

If a world that anyone’s saving doesn’t have people who pull over, stop, take a moment to dance, in it… then I don’t want a part of that world or it’s saving at all.

So you all keep loving yourself most when you’re taking big steps forward to save the world and I’ll keep taking those little steps [recycling, eating local, biking, volunteering] to save the world, while making it all worth it by dancing by myself to ridiculousness.  [p.s. i hope you’re all making it worth it… hard.]

More on the real job… and the move to Missoula… !!  soon.

[much.much. love.love.]

where i’ve been for the last week…

Rafting the Middle Fork of the Salmon River was [hands down] one of the most amazing experiences of my life.

Words trying to spell out the laughs, scares, beauty, realizations, breathlessness… would fall short.

So, in hopes, here are some photos to explain…

[in almost completely random order…]

[a week for the books.
a time to always remember.
remind myself of.
self-support.
group-support.
the importance of love.
living.
laughing.
dancing.
living.
exploring.
being.
seeing.
loving.
love.]

[photos from the arty and amazing evan smith, finn’s facebook and maybe maybe myself.]