I did the dumbest thing I’ve done in a long time today.
I was like, “Okay, Self. You should do something. There’s a yoga studio like a half block from your temporary place. Go to a yoga class. Clear your head. Feel fit. Feel good. Use your body.”
So, I check the schedule and they’ve got a 5:30pm Hot Yoga class. I don’t know anything about Bickram Yoga. [case in point: i googled “vickrum yoga” a whole second ago.] And I’m thinking, “Awesome! I like the hotness.”
The class lasts for and hour and a half.
I lasted about 20 minutes. 20 minutes until I laid down… I kid you not.
I get in there and I’m in my cotton shorts and my cotton tank top and after the first little “raise your arms in a circle, put ’em together, put ’em down”, I was DRENCHED.
Why the hell am I wearing cotton? This is the worst fabric ever invented. No one else is wearing cotton. OMG, I’m the guy that skis in jeans!
I even took off my shirt… which surprised me. I am NOT the climb in my sports bra / run in my sports bra / apres vous coffee in my sports bra / yoga in my sports bra girl… [ew]… but there I was: gut blazin’, pooch hangin’… in my sports bra.
And then soon I feel like I’m going to throw up. Like, really throw up.
This could be contributed to the mass amount of cookies I’d eaten earlier in the day. My amazing friend dropped cookies off that read, “WHEN LIFE SUCKS, EAT COOKIES… THAT’S AN ORDER.” [awesome.]
So, I did… I ate like six chocolate chip cookies in about five minutes. They. Were. So. Good.
Until I was hot-snacking them up at hot yoga.
I’m gonna throw up cookies all over my rented mat and then the instructors gonna be like, “Dumb cookie eatin’ girl”… I bet she’s never even had a cookie.
So, after I had to lay down during the class to prevent throwing up or passing out, I finally got back up and joined the class again.
We were doing this weird thing where we lay down on our bellies and put our arms underneath our bodies. The instructor was telling us how to do it when she says…
– Put all of your body on your arms… all 99 pounds of you.
What?! Screw you, tiny lady… I haven’t been 99 pounds since grade school!
She quickly caught herself a bit after a pause and said…
– Or all 140 pounds of you… it’s all beautiful… you’re all beautiful.
Screw you, tiny lady! I’m more than 140 pounds! 140 is your “everyone’s beautiful in all sizes” weight?!
We continued. I survived.
I made my way to the locker room and all the girls started talking. One turned to me and said…
– Was that your first time?
– Uhhh… Yeah… I’m sorry… I can’t tell if you’re making fun of me.
– Haha… No, not at all. Good work! My first time, I laid down for almost the whole class.
– You’re allowed to do that?! I would’ve paid fifteen dollars at any point to take a hot nap!
All in all, I actually liked it. Though most of the time I found myself saying, “This is the dumbest thing you’ve ever done, Rachel”, it’s funny how at the end of those kind of things you tell yourself, “Oh, that was great!”
I’ll probably go back… sans a half dozen cookies a few hours before.
[postscript: i really loved the instructor and the class.]