surprisingly unimportant.

A few years ago, my best friend introduced me to an artist with this image…

goodbye heart.

BANSKY

He is amazing.  He is infamously secretive.  [many still don’t know his identity.]  He is brave.  He is controversial.  He is shocking.  He is inspiring.

Last week, whilst in Texas, I got to see this film:

[one of the many perks i love/miss about austin.]

I haven’t stopped thinking about the film.  Thinking about Banksy.  I had a dream that I just called him to talk… and ask heaps of questions.  Weird.

Anyway, it’s just one of those films you didn’t expect to affect you… and it did.

It makes me want to make certain things in my life surprisingly unimportant.  And other surprising things: important.

Just thought I’d share.

If you get the chance, I highly recommend seeing it:

don’t even smile.

There are so many [SO MANY] things I want to write about these days.  I don’t know why/how I haven’t found the time to.  The time to write about…

• Watching the hail like it was the first time.

• Cutting pumpkin squash.

• Traveling home.  Leaving home.

• “The world is so grateful.”

• A grandmother’s process.

But alas, I sit in an airport [the denver one] and I’m currenty on the Full Family Tour, so no time.

People are boarding to Austin.  Why they don’t look more excited about it, I do not know.  We should all be singing and hugging and high-fiving together… we’re traveling… to Austin!  But instead, we don’t make eye-contact.  We don’t even smile.  We even gimmace a bit.  Oh, life is so hard.

I hope daily travels find you well.  We’ll talk soon.

[xo.]

p.s. new fave:

handsome cowboys and heineken beer.

what a quarter century looks like... via 6:30am.

I woke up insanely happy and just didn’t know what to do with myself… so I did what I do best, took a picture of myself on my computer.  It’s crazy that I’m twenty-five… today… whoa.

And that… that is what I look like after a quarter century of living, breathing, running, loving, crying, dancing, singing, laughing, being.  Awesome.

I was also insanely happy thinking about the night before.  The lovely, lovely, way fun birthday BBQ we had in a local park.  Evan and I counted 42 guests that we could keep track of… FORTY-TWO.  Lordy, who knew?  But I’m so so thankful for each of them and for all of them making for such an amazing celebration.

"happy b-day NPR" strawberry rubarb pie by my spectacular roomie, dabs!

deluscious food made by evan!

ah-mazing cake made by k$. like, seriously... awesome.

cutting the cake.

There ended up being way more pictures of food than people on my camera.  So, I’m totally banking on friends camera’s for pictures of the following:

• The most beautiful babies in the whole world meeting for the first time.

• Frisbee ridiculousness.  [college called.]

• My amazing birthday lap dance [to lil’ wayne] by three handsome friends dressed as handsome cowboys… one of whom I had just met yesterday.  [seriously, this was one of the most hilarious/ridiculous/amazing things that has ever happened to me… and don’t worry, there are tons of pictures… i remember many flashes.]

• The street soccer game.

• The unbelievable four square game INSIDE the Cadillac Bar… and me saying, “I fully expecting to have to bail friends out of jail on my birthday because they were playing four square in a bar… and I’m totally okay with that.”

• Good times, galore.

Such an amazing time.  So so great.

And then this morning, talking to my dad…

– Happy Birthday, kid.

– Thanks, Daddy!

– I just went and bought a Heineken to celebrate you turning 25.

– Ha… Okay…

– Well, when your mom and I were in Amsterdam and she was pregnant with you, I made sure to visit the Heineken Brewery and smuggle a special bottle of Heineken back with me.  I kept it and waited until the day you were born.  Then on May 16th, I opened it and called my dad to tell him about you.

He totally caught me off guard.  I started crying.  I am so lucky to have so much love in my life.  To have so much caring.  To be so lucky to have it for twenty-five years straight.  Straight.  Loved every single day of breathing this life.

[happy day to all.]

Thanks for being here, loving, letting me love you, celebrating, dancing, shining.

the morning scramble.

My first solo radio show.  My radio show.

I could hardly sleep last night.  It was so silly.

Would lay there: eyes shut, heart open, mind running.

Woke up earlier than I do for anything.

He made me coffee.  Biked with me to the station.

– Good luck.  You’re going to do great.

– Thanks.  I’m nervous.

– You’ll be fine.

– I’ll be fine.  I’ll be great.

– Yeah.  How’s the coffee?

The coffee was horrible.  It had grounds in it and tasted like dirt.  It might have been dirt.

– It’s good.  Thank you so much.

– Can I have some?

[has some.]

– Oh, that’s horrible!  I’ll go get you some more.

– No, it’s okay.  I have to go in.  I’ll talk to you later.  Thank you.

Walked in, dark, sat down, set up, station manager…

– You ready?

– Yeah.

– Okay, let’s go.  You have to do a station ID… after this song.  Then start your show.

– This song’s almost over!  Wait, it’s over.

– Go!

– …Eigh… eighty-nine point one…… KHOL….

Then there was about an eternity of silence before I finally got this song to play…

My first song.  The first song.  Fitting.  Older.  Feels like the song that I started everything with… so, why not this?

Sweating.  Shaking.

– Alright, there you go!  I’ll be up front if you need anything.  It’s all yours.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no…

– Okay, thanks.

I put another song on.

He comes in… with good coffee.

– Hey, how’s it going?

– I don’t want to do this.  Why did I want to do this?  I’m so nervous.  I don’t like this.

– You’re doing great.

He left.

I couldn’t believe how nervous I was… sweating, shaking, doubting, ringing in me.

And I wanted to take a picture.  Wish I would have.

Remembered that [just recently] a lovely told me how she went through a time when she wanted to take a picture of herself anytime anything went wrong… when she was her saddest, maddest, most broken.

I thought that was so cool.

Living life and recognizing the truth of it all.  Staring at it to it’s soul and owning it.

I wasn’t as nervous after remembering that.  All I wanted to do then was take a picture.  But, alas, no camera.

Okay, my show.  My show.

I did it.

I messed up… mmmmmmm… maybe a hundred times.  And it was great.

I stared my mistakes [my flaws] down ’til they were completely naked… then to the flesh, then to the bone.  And I owned them.

The whole thing was a complete junk show… a scramble, if you will.

And that’s what I finally decided to call my show:  The Morning Scramble with Rachel.

Every Tuesday morning 8am-10am.

On KHOL… in Jackson, Wyoming.

[thanks to those jackson amazings that tuned in and sent me loving texts or called in… it’s a simple thing… a silly show… but it meant a lot and is way, way exciting.  thank you x10.]

and here is clothing, and a good education… and here is your [brown, brown, pants fell down], i replied.

country club love.

I really cannot wait to be sitting next to the swimming pool with my dear Momma in a couple weeks.  But until then, I have to wish her a Happy Mother’s Day from afar.  I have to tell her how much I love her, without hugs.  Tell her how thankful I am for her, without kisses.

I did send her a package with a card I made her.  I wish I would’ve scanned or taken a picture of it before frantically sending it off with her present.

The card was a comic with a mother and daughter… the mother on the phone, saying…

– Yeah… Uh Huh…. WHAT?  Rachel drew WHAT in school today?!

[okay, it didn’t actually say “Rachel”, but I glued over it so that it did.]

And on the front I had wrote, “The Brown, Brown, Pants Fell Down Incident of 1991.”

Oh man… it was a doozy.

When I was in First Grade, we had to do these coloring sheets to learn our colors.

They were things like, “Red, Red, He’s in Bed.”  And it would be a fluffy monster-looking thing, sleeping in bed and you’d have to color him red.  Yep.

So, one day, we get, “Brown Brown Pants Fell Down.”

C’mon.  What do you expect from First Graders?!

I, being a class clown/attention hound [i know… you would’ve never guessed], immediately turn over the paper and draw a butt on the back.  A hairy one at that.  Oh, it was bad.

And as it escalated, my peers couldn’t stop giggling.  I was loving it… Oh, it was bad…

Before I knew it, I had turned the paper over and was drawing… well… boy parts on Mr. Brown.  How in the world I even KNEW what boy parts looked like in First Grade is beyond me… but yep, I did it.  And then turned it in.

Pretty sure the phone call came that night.  I remember Momma looking at me, giving me that “oh, you better be glad we don’t have a cordless phone yet and i can only move three feet towards you right now” look, saying things like, “Uh huh… Oh, no… I’m so, so sorry… Oh, yes… Believe me, I’ll take care of it.”

I was in SO MUCH TROUBLE.  Obviously.  And I knew I should’ve been.  One of the many times I was yelled at as a child where all I could think was, “Oh, I should not have done that.”

Anywho, fast forward eleven years… I’m a senior in High School, looking through my school files to collect anything I might need to move forward, when I find… yep, the one and only… Brown, Brown, Pants Fell Down… in all his boy part glory…

– Mom!  You still have this?!  I was in SO MUCH trouble for this!

– Oh, man… Your father and I had to compose ourselves for about a half hour before we could yell at you for that because we were laughing so hard.  Of course we kept it!

And THAT, ladies and gentlemen… is my sweet Momma.  Who I love/admire/adore/cherish.

[this poem is a must for mothers, children, fathers, everyone.]

– She gave me life and milk from her breasts, and I gave her [Brown, Brown, Pants Fell Down].

Happy Mother’s Day, Momma.

I love you so, so much.

oh, how it clings to me.

I have a new love.

Yes, yes… love, love, love… blah, blah, blah.

KHOL and I have recently become intimate.

Just hung out there with the fabulous, Sam Petri whilst he rocked it on his show.  [if you’re in the jackson area, check out his show thursday nights from 8 – 10pm… do it.]

Fun times.

Towards the end, he let me take control of the wheel and play a few songs off my raptop.  This is in preparation for Tuesday… morning… from 8 – 10am… when I’ll be launching MY show on KHOL.  [insert mass excitement.]

I played these three songs tonight…

[love love passion pit… and flufftronix remixes usually rule.  so, there.]

Then I threw down…

[phantogram… if you don’t know, now you know…]

And then there was…

[i wasn’t real sure if this flowed with petri’s show… but i love love it.  makes me wanna throw glitter around and dance in the woods with all my favorite people.]

Good times.

The only problem is that I haven’t figured out what my show name is gonna be or if I’m gonna have a radio names.  These is troubles.

Suggestions have been…

“Morning Times” with Your Ray Ray of Sunshine.

“In the A.M.” with Rachel.

“You’re at Work, I’m in My Pajamas, Bitch!” with Rachel.

“Coffee, Please” with No Pants Rachel.

…and, yes.  If you have suggestions, please holler.  It’s Tuesday and I’m nervous.  Kinda.  More excited than nervous.  I’ve never been so excited volunteering in my whole life.  Pretty rad.

Anywho, tune in, donate, love, volunteer… Community Radio.

And I’ll leave you with my fave track that Sam played…