I was craving Australia the other day.
Weird, I know.
How do you crave such a dark time?
But, no… I craved the isolation, the invisibility, the unidentified wandering, the loneliness, the strangers.
Leaving Jackson with such a familiar feeling of escape. Driving like I was running.
Exhaling finally. But in a peaceful way… not like I had exhaled, running away from that place, before.
Before, it was an emergency puncture to get air from my lungs: a violent necessity. This weekend it was an exhale with the thought…
– Oh, how long have I been holding my breath?
Fully expecting to go by myself to a concert, it was a pleasant surprise when a random friend from college was in on going as well.
Jenny and I have so much in common.
We both worked in Yosemite [different years].
Both currently work with adults with disabilities.
Both tall, dancey women.
– Is this picture on your door from Le Love?
– Yeah! Wow. I’ve had about a hundred people look at that and no one has ever known where it’s from. I’ve always had to explain.
We even had the same shoes on.
It was perfect going to the concert with her. Like going with a me to talk to, dance with.
The whole thing was too right. The venue was tiny and perfect. The music was amazing, the band – excited/incredible/moving.
Dancing like no one was there. Dancing like everyone was there.
I’ve wanted to be a part of something like this…
…for a long time.
Rightness. Full circle.
Then the next day I had breakfast with an old friend, went for an amazing trail run and then wandered.
Found my way around boutiques, thrift stores, food markets and parks. Didn’t know anyone. Felt invisible.
I searched, like I did in Sydney, for the perfect necklace. Nowhere to be found.
I sat in the grass.
I wrote. [that never happens anymore… well, not on paper.]
Sunshine. Isolation. I felt like I was in Sydney.
It was good for a day, a moment, a breath.
Drove home…. with another familiar feeling.
The feeling of going home. Running towards those mountains. How powerful and inviting they are. The way they sit down for dinner with the setting sun and the clouds. And look, they have set a place for you at the table to dine and drink and smile and sing and toast!