and if you ask r. kelly…

Woke up to this text…

“If you get a spare minute today, wanna give me a little advice?”

I love it.  I think that’s a tell-tale sign of a successful relationship… This guy and I used to date, things didn’t work out, now we’re good, advice-givin’ friends.  Success!  So, I call him…

We small talk… Then…

– So… You need advice?

– Yeah.

– Is this about a lady?

– Of course… What other advice would I ask you for?

– True… I don’t really know much about anything else.

– Yeah, but you are a lady… So you got that going for ya.

And I gave him the best advice I could… Which included this line…

– Okay, I’m gonna tell you something that us women don’t admit to ourselves and never say out loud… If you lay off a bit, don’t call, go about your normal life and act like the whole thing is “take-it-or-leave-it” to you, she’ll probably like you more.  Girls are weird… We like a little bit of an asshole… But after that works, that has to be the extent of your assholeness.  Please.

And that got me to thinking… About all the random advice I’ve given, been given, seen given lately…

– Don’t expect to get asked out on a date here in Jackson… If a guy buys you a beer at the Wort, consider that high-class woo-ing.

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– If you don’t have a good meeting story, it probably won’t work.  Cuz you’re a story person, so if you can’t tell a good story for the rest of your life, it won’t work.

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– You probably won’t get over him until you start dating someone else.

– I think I’d want to get over him before I start dating someone else… Isn’t that how it should go?

– Well yeah, ideally, but when does that ever happen?

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– I blame my parents for my failed love life… They’re so awesome… How am I supposed to live up to that?

– Seriously!  Mine too!  Well… Just remember that you’ve seen that love and you can’t settle.

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– Ain’t nothin’ wrong with a little kissin’… And if you ask R. Kelly, ain’t nothin’ wrong with a whole lot more…

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I know three [that I can think of] lovely couples who celebrate their anniversary on Halloween… So, all you lonely-hearts-clubbers out there, get excited… cuz…

…then you can come to me for advice.

Everyone enjoy your Hollerween!

[feel free to throw in your two cents of advice for anyone, anything.  LOVE.]

morning comes in paradise.

I was over in Idaho.  I watched friends race in a crazy bike race…. one where you [the cycler] rides around a track with different obstacles… some where you have to get off your bike and actually carry it… crazy.  Fun.  After party.  Also fun.

Had to work the next morning.  Early.

Drove over the pass to get to work on time.  Early.

Music on… on random.

This song came on:

It touched me… of course… cuz I’m a baby.

So peaceful… a beautiful, dark morning.  And then Bruce [my little engine that kinda could… aka my car] slowly, but surely, reached the top of the pass.  I peaked and then was blinded… blinded by the most beautiful sunrise I’ve seen.  There it was: The most beautiful pink and gold through the purple clouds, with it’s light oozing all over my favorite town in the world.  I pulled over, to admire.  My sweet little home town, fast asleep… being kissed by the sweet morning lips of a smiling sunrise.

Oh, wow… I have to take a picture of this… Knowing my ever-loving-attention-self, I’ll probably wanna blahg about how beautiful this is… Where’s my camera?…

So, I grabbed my camera, stood out on the edge of the gravel and got ready to capture.  Batteries – dead.

Dammit!  No!  C’mon camera!  Just one picture… Just oooooone little picture…

But, no.  No batteries = No picture = No sharing.

No sharing.  No, Rach.  This one is just for you.  Know this.  Soak it up… remember.

Beauty, as you see it, is going to be yours only.  You’ll share later… maybe… but now, gosh, all your’s.  Get ready to be illuminated inside… cuz it’s gonna be bright… get ready.

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– Thanks for smoking with me… I needed that.

– Anytime.

– No.  Never again, actually.

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Best Thing That Happened to Me This Week [aka perk #256 of my job]:

the ScarfAscot a client made me.

the ScarfAscot a client made me.

Yeah… Just in case you missed the caption, that is definitely a scarf [scarfascot] that a client from my work made me.  Have you ever seen anything so sweet?  Probably not.  [i love it and wear it often.]

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What I’ve been listening to for a whole second:

Yes, I know… not new.  But I’m liking it hard.

Goodnight, you lovely heartbeat, you.

…because you did.

I babysat for Beckett [three-year-old awesomeness] tonight… But this story is from a while ago…

I walked into Beckett’s house and his mom was rushing around trying to get out the door.  She gave me a quick rundown for the evening, but it didn’t take much explanation because I had been babysitting on the regular.  Right before she left, she told me…

– Oh, and please don’t use the bathroom in our room… The toilet is broken.

– Oh.  Yeah, sure.

And with that, she left.  I found it a bit odd… “Ummm okay… Why would I go into your room and use your toilet in the first place?”

But at dinner, it all became clear when Beckett spoke up…

– You broke the toilet.

– What?  No, I didn’t.

– Yes, you did.

– Noooooo…. I didn’t.

– Yes you did that’s what I told Mommy.  [all in one breath.]

– What??  Beckett, did you tell your mom that I broke the toilet.

– Yes… Because you did.

– No, I didn’t!

– YES, YOU DID!  I told Mommy that you broke the toilet because YOU DID.

– Beckett!  I promise I did not break the toilet.

– You’re lying… Because you did.

Oh man.  At this point I found myself getting highly upset… arguing… with a three-year-old.  I had to settle myself down… but I didn’t just then… I argued with him for a whole second more…. But then I did finally settle down…

– Okay, Beckett… After I say this, we are NOT allowed to talk about the toilet anymore… Okay?

– Okay.

– Alright.  Now, I am not a liar.  I do not tell lies.  And I’m telling you right now that I did not break the toilet.  And that’s all I’m going to say about that.

Silence.

– Good.  Let’s get dessert.

So we did.  And the night went on as usual… We played robots, watched Scooby Doo, etc.  Then, while playing blocks, Beckett sheepishly says…

– If you put too much toilet paper in the toilet, it’ll break.

[why you little…]

– Oh really?  Beckett, is that what you did to the toilet?

Silence.

– Beckett, is that how you broke the toilet?

Nods.

– Alright then.  Well, it’s okay… I’m sure you didn’t mean to.

what was simple in the moonlight…

Found this when I wasn’t looking for anything…

Late Harvest

Time, it is time.
Summer has been
long-stretched-out, full.
Go ahead, Fall:
shrink down the days
and sugar the grapes
for late-harvest wine.

Anyone still unknown
to herself will stay,
probably, that way.
Anyone unlinked by love
will be love-
left-out now—waking,
mind-pacing
up and down
up and down,
restless as leaf-bits
and papers in the street.

by Jeredith Merrin

This too…