what love looks like.

Wow.

So, yesterday I remembered I had a blahg… which means I had forgotten.  Swhoops.  I feel like I’ll get back into it… I’ll be inspired… be creative… via screen… soon.  There’s so much I wanna do with this site… it needs work.  But, then again, my life needs work.  I guess I’ll start with life and then some of it will hopefully spill over to screen.

Whatevs, I always say that life is what happens when you’re blahgging.  And life has been happening.  It’s been busy, fast, hilarious, ridiculous and as beautiful as ever.

I must refer you to a lovely’s website… just to check out an amazing picture from our dancin’ good times last night.

The simple things.  The dances.  The love.

Last night, at the outdoor community concert, I kept looking around in amazement thinking, “This is what love looks like.”  Children dancing.  Parents dancing in the most ridiculous manner with their children and not caring at all how they look.  Friends smiling and dancing absurdly, just because they can do that with each other.  Couples with a powerful love between them… the kind you can just see.  A love for a community.  A love for music.  A love for friends.  A love for life.  It’s swelling up inside me and it feels great.

So much more going on in life too.  Simple things in mine… but HUGE things in others’.

Brittnee, a long-time love, had a BABY…. like a child… like she made a human.  His name is Dylan and, though I haven’t met him yet, I know he’s freaking awesome.  Congrats, Brittnee and Robert!

Whaley’s moving to LA.

Danna bought a house.

Char got a dog.

Sarah [the little seester] is about to turn 22.

Lisa’s in London.

And all I gots going on is this here cup of coffee.  [love it.]

a disappointing anniversary.

Two years is a long time to be [climbing] with somebody.

In July 2007, Dan Long and I started our Teton climbing relationship by climbing the East Ridge of Disappointment Peak.  So, today, to celebrate our two year anniversary, we climbed it again.  Dan was real sweet… he figured out that we’ve only climbed in the Tetons together on Disappointment Peak and started calling me Rachel “Always a Disappointment” Stevens…. lovely/hilarious.  SUCH a great/beautiful day…

fifth pitch via 2007.

fifth pitch via 2007.

fifth pitch via today.

fifth pitch via today.

metal hands via 2007.

metal hands summit via 2007.

metal hands summit today... minus bronto.

metal hands summit today... minus bronto.

pensive grand shot via 2007.

pensive grand shot via 2007.

pensive grand shot via today.

pensive grand shot via today.

Thanks for being awesome, Dan Long.  Happy Anniversary!

[then we got in the car and our amazing community radio station was playing this song and i was so so excited.  LOVING this day.]

[…yes, i know i’ve posted this song before… but i cannot get enough.]

I car danced and everything… Dan Long just pretended like he didn’t know me…

psssshhhh.

psssshhhh.

a beautiful mind.

I’m sure a lot of you have already discovered AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com but I just cannot get over this one photo…

Ever wondered what the kid with the clarinet is really thinking?

Ever wondered what the kid with the clarinet is really thinking?

So awesome.  Once I get ahold of a scanner, I’ll put up some of the awkward childhood photos on our fridge.  They are quite fantastic… but not as fantastic as this one.

that’s just the way it is.

I’m better now.  Well, not sick… that is.  And better all around, actually… yes and yes!  Getting settled.  I own a bed now… I’m sitting on it right now… holler!

[earlier tonight… as Dan and I are parting ways after my soccer game…]

Dan:  Well, call me if you wanna do something later.
Me:  You could come over and check out my new bed!
Dan:  Are you trying to hit on me?
Me:  [haha]  Maybe…

[i turn around and there’s a guy standing there, giving me the “giggidy-giggidy” smile/nod..]

Grins:  That’s awesome.

I became flustered and just laughed.

Life’s been good lately… busy.  Workin’ hard, playin’ hard… wish I were playing harder.

Art fairs, art shows, friends, bikes, books, runs, chicken fry, movies, laughs, food, soccer, work.  That’s been life lately.  And all that’s busy and beautiful in it’s own, but the true, pure, concentrated joy is in the simple things… the moments of preciousness… moments….

This weekend I was at a local thrift store browsing for buys that I had to have.  I was by my lonesome, checking out clothes and people watching a bit, when all the sudden a different song came on the radio playing in the store… it was Bruce Hornsby’s “The Way It Is”.  [the piano beginning… so great.] I immediately went into a funny stream of thought…

Man, I love this song.
I really hope it’s the 2Pac version.
Do I have that song on my computer?
I might have to download it when I get home.
Wait, nope… definitely not the 2Pac version.
Oh well, still great.

And then I saw one of the most precious things I may have ever seen.  I turned and saw a very old man, no taller than 5 foot even, facing the wall, checking out shoes, just busts into dance.  I kid you not.  It was the cutest little old man dance I have ever seen.  His heels planted, but his groovin’ body tappin’ back and forth… it was amazing.  It didn’t last too long, only seconds, but it definitely happened and it was definitely incredible.  It was a moment.  He didn’t even turn around to see if anyone was watching him, if anyone saw… but I saw… and could not stop smiling.  It melted my heart.

LOVE.

[here’s the 2pac version… because i’ve been craving it.  and because i vividly remember watching this as a middle schooler and thinking, “Man, I wish I knew 2Pac better when he was alive”… which i think is a very funny thought.]

sick.

I don’t think I’ll be able to make eggs any time soon.  You know how you crack the egg and then the yellow of the yolk falls into the pan and then you swoosh it all up to make scrambled eggs?  Well, that yellowness is what your stomach bile looks like when you throw it up with nothing in your stomach… like I did… about eight times last night…

So, apparently, I’m sick… which sucks.  It was a rough night.

But sickness is made so much better when you have awesome buddies to bring you things and make you miss mom less.

love actually, bye bye birdie, ace of cakes, captain ron, flight of the conchords, saltines and gatorade... and the sicky.

love actually, bye bye birdie, ace of cakes, captain ron, flight of the conchords, saltines and gatorade... and the sicky.

Okay, I’m going to watch Captain Ron [an old Stevens family favorite] and probably fall asleep.  Love to you all… hope you didn’t catch anything reading this.

a testing of waters.

today.  TODAY!

[oh, today.]

My favorite favorite book of all time [thus far] keeps coming back into my life as of late…

beauty.

beauty.

Today, flipping through, a passage stuck out that made think…

“Because secrets do not increase in value if kept in a gore-ian lockbox, because one’s past is either made useful or else mutates and becomes cancerous. We share things for the obvious reasons: it makes us feel un-alone, it spreads the weight over a larger area, it holds the possibility of making our share lighter. And it can work either way – not simply as a pain-relief device, but, in the case of not bad news but good, as a share-the-happy-things-I’ve-seen/lessons-I’ve-learned vehicle. Or as a tool for simple connectivity for its own sake, a testing of waters, a stab at engagement with a mass of strangers.”

– A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius.  [Dave Eggers].

Don’t get your hopes up… I’m not going to share any juicy secrets via blahg.  Gimme a break.  I’m not that ridiculous.  Although I think it would be an incredible “stab at engagement with a mass of strangers”, it is fairly self-involved to think that you’d care and abundantly pathetic to use a pre-formatted WordPress screen for anything of palm-to-cheek worth.

But yeah, secrets.  Turns out, we all have them.  We do.  If you say you don’t, either a] you’re shitting yourself or b] you are boring.  Many times I’ve sat with the friend [or been the friend] who had too much to drink [or too much of life… usually the former, though] …and I’ve heard them tell me things [or I’ve told things]… wild things… incredible things.  I love it.  I’m starting to see the dark beauty in our pasts, our mistakes.

The terror of a past… the fear of the cancer by mutilation… and so then the quick [drunken and/or tearful] confession as a cutting, a slice, a hope to tear the chunk of cancer out in one full swoop.  Bleed for good minutes, cry hard, sew it up with whatever [whoever] is lying around and hope no one asks about the scar… but moreso, hope that you got it all so it doesn’t grow back.

So many times we opt for this over the slow process of truly sharing our secrets: our lives, our mistakes, our great victories, our discoveries, our love, our hate, ourselves.  Why?  What are we afraid of?  I mean, it’s either make it useful or let it mutate, right?… according to Mr. Eggers.

I don’t know where I’m going with this.  I just wanted to talk about secrets for a whole second… I promise it will be back to funny stories about children and co-workers in no time.

[love.]


but i feel alive, oh, i feel it in me…

Song o’ the Week:

[thanks casey!]

Larve that song.  It grows on you… fur sure.

That indescribable silliness you feel, when you just want to dance how your body tells ya, when you’re smiley for no reason [but every reason], when you want to love on everyone in the room… especially if there’s just that one other person in the room… when you know your bruises are dark but your day will be bright… that’s how I feel right now.

You.  You have a good week, day, hour, minute, moment.

a little assurance…

Make up new dance moves.  That’s your assignment this week.  Report back… Make sure they’re named.  [bonus points for pictures.]