[i’m never going to be able to communicate just how hilarious this memory is to me… but i’m going to try.]
I was running today and saw another runner just stop. Just stop, mid-stride, and start walking. I had to laugh out loud to myself a little bit. No, no, no… Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t laughing at this runner. I’ve done my fair share of, “Ohhp, yep… Now I’m gonna walk… Yeah, this is where I wanted to stop… As far as I wanted to run”… When I’m 0.4 miles away from my house and end up in no particular destination whatsoever. But today I was laughing because I remembered a certain person from my past… a certain Vincent…
If you talked to Hazel Vincent, you would think she was the fittest teenager in all of Australia. She was always “on a diet“, and kept up her fitness like no girl I’ve ever actually seen… this is only what she told you. I lived with the girl and she was no fitness freak.
Once, while I was taking Hazel and her friend to the mall [both of them sitting in the back seat, which I’m pretty sure officially makes me the driver], the girls started talking about their weight and what the do to keep in shape. Hazel’s friend, Chloe, was apparently a gym rat…
– Yeah, well like I like to eat whatever I want so I go to the gym and do like pilates like three times a week… at least.
Of course you do. Have you even hit puberty yet? Anywho, somehow this turned into a camouflaged competition and it gets to the point where Hazel says…
– Well, yeah like… I mean I like run everyday.
BAHAHA! If these girls had paid any attention to their driver, they would’ve seen me trying to hold back the fact that I was CRACKING UP. Hazel had gone for two TWO runs that I had known of up to that point… and let me paint this picture for you:
• Tank top with normal bra. [as opposed to a sports bra.]
• Jorts. [aka jean shorts.]
• Chuck Taylors.
• Gone for 10 min… tops.
That’s how those two runs went.
So, one Friday I pick Hazel and Craig up from school. Australian school is different and they do P.E all in one day… weird. Friday was the Vincents’ P.E. day, so the kids were in their sports clothes [actual sports clothes… not Hazel’s hot-mess-work-out outfit].
– How was school? [p.s. Craig’s already asleep in the passenger seat… no conversing happens with him.]
– Oh, it was good. What did you do today, Rach?
– Well, I walked your dog, cleaned your whole house, prepared three different dinners and then got a run in before I had to come pick you guys up from school.
– Oh, that’s nice. [not paying attention to me at all.] I should go for a run today. I think I will right when I get home.
Alright, here we go… Hazel’s actually going to go for a run so she won’t be such a liar when she talks to her friends.
We pull in to the driveway and Hazel announces…
– Okay, I’m going for a run! I’ll get my stuff out of the car when I get back!
And she starts walking up the drive. Craig heads to the house and I go to the mailbox to check… well, the mail… you know how those work.
[it’s vital that this next moment be conveyed clearly… because it’s the whole point of the post… i’ll do my best.]
I’m facing the road, at the mailbox, the road is five feet away from the mailbox, Hazel does mini-stretches [hilarious], she’s about ten feet to my left, she starts to run, it’s a heavy start, I try not to stare because she is awkwardly close now, she passes me, she’s about four feet on my right, heavy/slow strides, then she just stops STOPS and says…
– Yeah, I think I’m about done… I worked out hard at school today.
Oh my gosh. Wait, hold on. Please PLEASE God, let someone be watching! Someone who cares HAD to be watching! CRAIG’S NOT EVEN IN THE FRONT DOOR YET! Oh my gosh, this is hilarious. I’m just stunned. She walks past me as I’m holding the bills and I’m seriously in hilarity shock. I said a little prayer that if there’s any higher power and they Tivo anything, to please keep this one in the archives so I can show all my friends in the afterness and we can play it on repeat and cry from laughter.
– Rachel! You must play that “Hazel Running” bit again!
– I’m on it, Ghandi!
And that’s why I laughed out loud at a stranger running today.